So, I realized that I really do want to keep writing on here at times, because I feel more comfortable writing on here than writing on Facebook, especially since I know these will be uploaded to Facebook.  Anyways, I really want to write about something that is on my heart tonight.

Tonight I had a short conversation with some girls about how Grace has changed over the past few years.  The person we were talking to came to Grace two years before me, and she was reminiscing about the upperclassmen of her time here.  She remembers how there were passionate people who served the Lord, and it showed in their every day life.  She said that as time moved on, it seemed like there were less and less of those people and that the focus at Grace shifted from being focused on seeking the Lord to focused on other things.  I would have to agree with her to a certain extent.  First of all, let me say this:  Life is infections.  How we live, whether in apathy or with passion, will spill over onto others. To me, it seems as though we have left the focus of following God and have put the focus on superficial, worldly things, such as academics, fashion, being accepted, etc.  I do not feel as though there are many around me that are putting God first and foremost in their lives.  I do not remember the last time someone came up to me and we had a really good, God-centered conversation that they had initiated.  This is not to say that everyone is like this.  I could list a handful of people who are actively seeking the Lord right off the top of my head, and I praise the Lord for these people.  One thing, however, that I fear in my walk with God is complacency.  I do not ever want to be complacent in my walk with God.  I want Him to be the number one priority in my life, and I hope to do whatever it takes to put Him there and keep Him there.  I want to passionately pursue Him with all of my being.  However, all around me, I see people who are complacent.  I see people who are not seeking the Lord.  I see people who are more concerned about what this person is wearing or what that person did instead of truly seeing their heart and seeing them the way God does.  I see people who are more concerned about others than they are about God.  And I'm just as guilty of it. I have spent my share of time doing these things, but this is not who I want to be or how I want to be remembered. 

I guess as a senior, you start thinking about how you have lived and how you will be remembered.  I want to be remembered as someone who constantly sought the Lord.  I want to be a woman of character whose walk with God defined me and all that I did and said.  I wonder how people will talk about me after they leave - if they will remember me as someone who merely had a good laugh, lending hand and a listening ear, or if they will remember me for how God worked in me.  I honestly don't care if others remember ME.  What I want them to remember is what GOD has done in and through me.  But the question I am asking myself is if I have lived in a way that will elicit this response.  I guess I also want this to be a challenge.  I want to see the people at Grace here step up to the plate.  I want the people of Grace (and all Christians, for that matter) to realize what an amazing thing they have in their relationship with Christ.  I want to see people excited about walking with God.  I want to be able to sit in the hallway and share what God is doing in our lives.  I want to push people closer to the heart of God, not necessarily closer to me.  I want to see God raise up leaders here at Grace who will be complete and total followers of Him - living wholeheartedly devoted to Christ.  This morning in 2 Kings I read about Hezekiah.  The passage says this of him:  "Hezekiah trusted in the LORD, the God of Israel. There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after him. He held fast to the LORD and did not cease to follow him; he kept the commands the LORD had given Moses. And the LORD was with him; he was successful in whatever he undertook" (18:5-7a).  Oh to be this kind of person!  I pray that God will raise up these kinds of leaders on the Grace campus that will infect the underclassmen with their heart for God.  This is my heart's desire.  I will be earnestly praying this, and desperately pray that you may truly understand how much God loves you and is wanting to walk through life with you.  He is always here for us, and we often ignore Him, thinking that we can do it on our own.  We can't.  Sometimes, too, we need to look to those who have gone before us to give us guidance and challenge us.  Maybe you should look into finding a mentor - a godly man or woman who can challenge you and keep you accountable in your walk with God, for how can we grow if we are not surrounded by those who are stronger than us?  I think if I talked about this with someone, I would probably have more thoughts on it.  I guess for now, all I can do is pray and live in step with the Spirit, trusting that He will fulfill His promise to hear and act on my prayers.  I pray that He would draw in your heart to the passion that awaits you in Him.

The End

Currently Adam By Ted Dekker see related

So, I know I haven't written in a while, but I'm writing this note because it has profoundly impacted me (and I know it will also show up on Facebook).  I'm currently in Lincoln giving my body to science for a good price, and I have had a lot of time to read.  I read the book "SoulTalk" by Larry Crabb already, and it has some excellent principals about how to speak the heart of God into other people's lives after learning how to be in the heart of God yourself.  Another book I just finished this morning is Adam by Ted Dekker.  This book was very good.  It was about a murder named Eve who had killed 16 girls and left without a trace.  It was a book about evil in this world and how it is very present in our lives.  At the end of the book is a dialogue between Ted Dekker and John Eldredge, author of Wild at Heart, and The Sacred Romance, among other things. (I am actually going to start reading The Sacred Romance as soon as I am done with this.  I hadn’t planned any of this, but I had just picked up the books from the library before I came here.  God is doing something here that is beyond me - giving me a desire and showing me a bit of His own desire for me.  Amazing!)  During their conversation about evil and its role in the Christian life, they said something that made me think.  John was talking about recognizing evil spirits by their fruit – that they are here to steal, kill, and destroy.  He gave a simple test:  “You just look at the fruit of some event, or some sabotage of a relationship, you look at the fruit of some thought you’re believing, some emotion that you’re feeling, and should ask, ‘Well what’s the fruit of that?’  If it looks like something is being stolen, or killed, or destroyed – guess who’s involved?” (pg 392).  He then goes on to give an example of what he was talking about:

        In the office next door to me is a man that I love very much.  We work together at Ransomed Heart Ministry.  But there are some days that I just want to get furious at him and reject or dismiss him.  It hurts our relationship very much. And it’s not me.  That’s not me.  That’s some foul spirit who is trying to divide our relationship.  And so one of the simple places you can just watch it play out is in your relationships.  There are people that you encounter, and you just want to dismiss them or use them or get mad at them, right?  Well, what likely happened is that you just walked into the spiritual battle over their life.  The enemy is trying to get you to do to them what he’s doing to them – accuse them, dismiss them, ridicule them (pg 392, emphasis mine).

Wow!  That is such an interesting statement.  As I read this, I began to think about all of the times I have done this to others – all the times I have hurt them or dismissed them, or judged them.  When I do things like that, I am assisting the Enemy in his work.  I am doing the exact thing he wants me to do.  Oh the horror! Instead of fighting the battle on the right side, I have joined the enemy.  Instead of encouraging others and strengthening others and fighting alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ, I have begun to fight against them.  My heart breaks at the thought!  I hope that I can change this.  I hope that I can relate to others the way God does and fight the spiritual battles alongside them instead of against them.  I know this is God’s desire as well, not for me or for them, but so that He will be glorified.  Wow!  I am so thankful that I serve a might God who can do this in me, for there is now way I can do it on my own.  He has the power!

Right Here

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."
"All things work together for good."
"I will hold you."
"I am faithful."

Was it something I said?
Was it something I've done?
What is it?
Please tell me!

Search me and know me.
Reveal to me what's wrong.
I want to know your touch again.
I want to hear your voice again.

Maybe it's just a test.
I sure hope I pass.
Refine me.
Make me more like you.

I don't feel like myself.
When I can't feel your touch,
When I can't hear your voice,
When I don't know your joy.

And still
I choose to seek you.
I choose to follow.
I choose to be joyful.

Because I know you.
I know you are faithful.
I know you are here.
I know you are carrying me.

When will I feel again?

"I am right here beside you."

Ok, so, I'm doing research for my persuasive speech, and I found something that just baffles me!  I am researching stuff about sleep, and I've discovered that "scientists are still trying to learn exactly why people need sleep." (http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/brain_basics/understanding_sleep.htm).  This was not just one website I found that said this, but there were others, too.  How amazing!  I had no idea that scientists had no idea why we need to sleep. I mean, they have some guesses, most of which have come up in the past 50 years, but they don't konw!  How great is our God?!  He knows!